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THE TRAILER VAULT

WELCOME, all of you – especially you (no, not you … you. No, you - the one in the … no, just to the right. No, not … no, my right. That's your left. Sorry – it's confusing. Yes, you … no, just behind … Yes! YOU).

 

 

Right. Welcome, all of you - especially you – to the Hellanory TRAILER VAULT, where you will find, unsurprisingly, the trailers for each of the six episodes of the first season of Hellanory tales. Apart from The Peculiar Case of Nathaniel Fry (more about that in the relevant section for that episode) we treat each episode to a generous, bumper three-course trailer extravaganza, with wine and breadsticks: a 'teaser' on the Monday before the Saturday that the episode's being made available, another one for the Thursday before the official broadcast date and then a final one on the big day itself. Our hope is that the trailers will whip the listening public up into a kind of mad, almost sexual, frenzy. So far, this has turned out to be literally true, as evidenced by the numbers of people we can count on one hand who listen to each episode. Thanks, both of you. You know who you are.

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So come now, take my hand – no, not that one, the other one. No … the other one … yep, that's it – and follow us to the top of the stone stairs that lead down to the TRAILER VAULT, or, if you will, quite literally, the VAULT OF TRAILERS. But tread ye carefully, dear pilgrim. For the steps are crack'd and slippery with blood and … Oh. Ooops.

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Well. We did warn you.

THE PECULIAR CASE OF NATHANIEL FRY

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'But … but …' we hear you stammer, 'there's only one trailer for this, the first episode of season one of Hellanory. You said, didn't you, you said that there were three for each episode and there's only one.'

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Yes, we did say that. But let us refer you back to the introduction where it's written, thusly, 'Apart from The Peculiar Case of Nathaniel Fry …' The important phrase there being 'apart from'. Pay attention, or this really isn't going to work, is it?

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We didn't get into the swing of the trailers until after the first episode was aired to an excited - and yet at the same time strangely unexcited - listening audience. With episode two looming large on the Gothic horizon of audiodrama, we thought it prudent to advertise the fact of its imminent arrival and so the idea of what people are now calling 'the Hellanory episode trailers' was born. We made the trailer for The Peculiar Case of Nathaniel Fry retrospectively, as it were, as a sort of in-case-you-missed-it-the-first-time-around-here-it-is-again reminder. Behold its majesty:

The Peculiar Case of Nathaniel Fry Trailer

ORWAK BALER IS UNWELL​

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This is where the Hellanory marketing monster really started to get into its stride, crushing beneath its enormous, scaly feet everything that lay in its path. The original intention was to make each trailer for each of the episodes in the same format – complete with Hammer Horror-style title cards. But each episode has a different feel so it seemed wise to give the trailers a different feel too - as much as we could, that is, given the limitations of the video software. But it's amazing how much you can do with very little. 'You're limited only by your imagination' some people say, and we would agree – after high-fiving them in their smug, pompous faces with a kitchen stool.

 

So here they are. Kneel, children. Kneel before the trailer demon.

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Orwak Baler Is Unwell Trailer 1

Orwak Baler Is Unwell Trailer 2

Orwak Baler Is Unwell Trailer 3

SURPLUS BAGGAGE​

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Oh yes indeed. The Surplus Baggage trailers. The teaser trailer isn't really in the style of the other two, which make a nod in the general direction of Tarantino's Pulp Fiction opening credits and the freeze-frames favoured by Guy Ritchie in Snatch. We're particularly proud of these, especially the second trailer which goes from genteel chamber music (Boccherini's Minuet in G, I think) to all-out musical war (Hawaiian Samurai's Too Drunk To Surf).

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Shall we take a look? Shall we? Shall we? Come on, then …

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(teaser trailer, trailer 1, trailer 2)

Surplus Baggage Trailer 1

Surplus Baggage Trailer 2

Surplus Baggage Trailer 3

THE BOX

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As luck would have it, the video software we use for the trailers happens to have one template that can have text appearing in a box which, if you squint your eyes, turn your head on one side and use your imagination a bit, looks a bit like a box opening and closing. Opportunities like that hardly ever come along, so we seized said opportunity by the scruff of the neck, dragged it over to the old wooden barrel in the corner of the office and held its head under the stagnant water until it gave in and told us where the treasure was. Then, when it had got its breath back, we did it again.

 

Then we did it again.

 

Here's Ralph with the trailers. 

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The Box Trailer 1

The Box Trailer 2

The Box Trailer 3

MY NAME IS MICHAEL CRANE

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We were going to use the theme from the Michael Caine film Alfie over the trailers for obvious reasons. The best reason, though, is one that may not be immediately obvious - that Sonny Rollins' jaunty tune is completely at odds with the subject matter of the story itself. But we didn't. Instead, we used Lazarus Hyde's excellent 'Jazz Pig', which went well with the 1960s-style graphics of the trailers but again remains completely at odds with the story.

 

Look, we know we're definitely sounding smug and self-indulgent and probably very pleased with ourselves indeed about the trailers but that's simply because we're making up for the fact that no one else has commented on them.

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Now, away with you and watch these:

My Name Is Michael Crane Trailer 1

My Name Is Michael Crane Trailer 2

My Name Is Michael Crane Trailer 3

CHAR​

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It seemed … right and proper, somehow, that the trailers for this absolute gem of an episode should be calm, gentle, almost soothing, much like Char, the narrator of the story. We like to think it's what she would have wanted.

 

Imagine our delight, liebe Kinder, when we found the 'puff of dust' video effect, which of course, as those of you who've listened to the episode will know, is heavily significant. It also seemed fitting for this, the last episode of Hellanory, season one, in ways that are hard to explain. So we won't.

 

Wherever you are, Char, we hope you approve.

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Char Trailer 1

Char Trailer 2

Char Trailer 3

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